apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
