Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Never underestimate the power of titties
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
