Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
