Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
