he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
