So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
