His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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