I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
