I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
