Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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