omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
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SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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