fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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