what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
