Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
