i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's like heaven, but drunker
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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