things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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