if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
