From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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