I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
