Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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