My nipple is on Facebook.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
