She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
