i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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