Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
