she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
