is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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