My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize