I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
