Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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