Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
