It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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