And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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