every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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