'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
