I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
