i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
