you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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