so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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