No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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