I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
