Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
