remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
