I think I died a long time ago.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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