The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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