Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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