After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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