I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
