Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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