what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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