If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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