What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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