I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
