Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
