I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
