i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
