So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
