Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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