Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
