Nicole vs. Life
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
