im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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