I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
only you would photoshop your dick
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
