all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
