You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
