Moan for me like Helen Keller
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize