So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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