Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
