Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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