Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
