I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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