Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
