I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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