Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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