he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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