guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
