using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
