Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
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Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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