ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
