I can tuck mytits in my pants
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The struggles of a small town man whore
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
