no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
