Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
