I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
