i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
