Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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